Academy Awards� Oscars Winners

I have decided I am going to win the Oscar. How will I do this? I have decided to seek out the perfect Oscar bait role. The role will be as follows:

I will play a retarded prostitute who has a weird accent. This mentally challenged hustler from a strange land will have to be someone historically significant. This historically significant mongoloid with the weird patios, who just happens to do a little streetwalking on the side, will be an aspiring singer whose songs I will sing myself. The stress of being a great man of his time combined with the struggles of a mentally defective lady of the night will cause this character to develop a drinking/drug problem. The fact that the character can hardly be understood due to their strange speech will only cause more drunken angry rage. Oh, and their gay, of course. I will gain forty pounds for the first part of the film and then lose sixty pounds for the second part.

After completing the picture my publicity machine will kick in. I will make sure that everyone knows that my drastic weight change put me in the hospitable. Everyone will be aware that I'm a dumb hick from Tennessee who was lucky enough to be able to read. It will be common knowledge that not only did I stay in character the whole time I was filming the movie but that i even turned some tricks and snorted blow in my trailer to keep it real.

After doing all this I feel that the academy will have no choice to but to give me the Oscar. So look for me in Sweating to the Misery: The Richard Simmons Story. I pretty sure he wasn't a prostitute nor do I believe he would be considered technically retarded but hey this is Hollywood dude we can embellish a bit!

Academy Awards� Oscars Winners